Dear Ms. Mabel,

My Mom said something really hurtful to me over Thanksgiving and I can’t quit thinking about it. I dread spending Christmas with her because I know we’ll eventually have to address it. I doubt she’ll even recognize what she did wrong but I really want to confront her about it. Is that wrong? Should I just let it go and not say anything at all?

Discuss or Deflect?

New Deal, TN

Truth be told, family drama during the holidays is about as common as Mariah Carey’s song that won’t ever seem to die. I don’t know what it is about twinkling lights and cups of cheer that bring out the worst in people. On second thought, maybe it IS having one too many cups of cheer for some folks... 

Anywho. 

My point is, yours is an age-old problem that we’ve all faced at some point or another. Now, what do we do about it? 

Well, I reckon we start with whether this is a pattern of behavior or a one-off comment that’s sent you into a tizzy. Judging by your line “I doubt she’ll even recognize what she did wrong,” I’m gonna assume that Ol’ Mother Dearest has a history of putting her foot in her mouth.

The older I get, the more I realize that’s just how some people are. Sometimes they’re hurting or struggling but sometimes they’re just plain ornery. There might be a fancy medical term to label it but I can tell you for sure there ain’t a darn thing you can do about it. 

And what do we do when we’re worrying about things we can’t do a dang thing about? 

We stop, drop and focus on things we can change. 

So, let me ask you this: in this situation, is there anything you CAN control? I can’t fully answer that, but I know you are in complete control of how much you are thinking about it and your behavior toward her the next time you meet. 

I could go on and on about how you need to stop worrying about things you can’t change but the bottom line is this: 

The sooner you learn to let go of situations and people that don’t report to you, the better your life will be. If you are a praying sort (which why wouldn’t you be), go ahead and give that worry and frustration to the Lord Almighty and find yourself something much more productive to occupy your thoughts. 

Heaven's sake girl, it’s Christmas time. Go pour yourself a cup of cheer and make merry!  

I’ll be praying for you. Love you, darlin’.