Dear Ms. Mabel,

I’m writing to you because I don’t know who else to ask. I’ve exhausted all my usual places of wisdom. A couple of months ago, a close friend really hurt me. She’s been a big part of my life for many years, so the hurt runs pretty deep. She apologized, but I can’t find it in me to let it go.

For privacy's sake, I don’t want to go into detail, but let me just say that the trust I had in her is gone. I don’t want to forgive her, and I don’t want to move on—even though everyone I speak to tells me to. In their eyes, I’m starting to look like the bad guy.

What do I do now?
Holding on to Heartache, Hendersonville, TN

Dear Holding On,

Truth be told, no one can hurt us quite like the ones we love the most—and once trust is broken, it’s darn near impossible to redeem.

Now go back and read that last sentence again… I said darn near impossible. Not completely impossible.

Since you didn’t give me any details, I can’t tell you exactly how to move on, but I can say with certainty that you need to forgive her.

Unforgiveness—holding a grudge, harboring ill will, whatever you want to call it—will rot you from the inside. It will take hold of every corner of your mind. Every thought you have, even the good ones, will eventually be tainted by the pain you won’t let go of. To me, that’d be a right terrible way to live.

Now, to get that done is going to take some work. You're going to have to stop seeking validation from everyone else. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: talking about a problem over and over without coming to a real solution is nothing short of worshiping the thing.

Stop reliving the hurt over and over and ask yourself two hard questions:

Have you ever hurt someone close to you?
The answer is yes, of course—unless you're one of those AI monsters they talk about on the news. (Those things are from the devil himself if you ask me. Y’all are completely bonkers if you think otherwise.)

Anyways…

Humans make mistakes. Humans hurt other humans. We’re all selfish deep down. So think of a specific time you’ve hurt someone. Whether that person forgave you or not is no matter. I want you to think about how you wish they’d handled it.

Did you want them to take their hurt to their deathbed and hold that unforgiveness over your head like a cold front in April ready to drop a tornado at any moment?

Of course not.

Mama always said to treat others how you want to be treated, and now Mabel is telling you—that doesn’t just apply to having good manners and following through on your promises.

Forgive your friend. Think about how you’d want her to proceed if the shoe was on the other foot—before your brain starts rotting or worse, you look back years from now and wish you’d let it go.

Living with regret is heaps worse than the pain you’re feeling now, I can promise you that.