When we think about February, particularly Valentine’s Day, we usually picture flowers, date nights, and heartfelt cards—not conversations about money. Yet after years of working with couples, I’ve learned something powerful: some of the strongest marriages are not built on grand gestures, but on honest, healthy conversations, especially about finances.

Money is one of the most common sources of tension in relationships, but it doesn’t have to be. When couples shift the focus from dollars and cents to communication, shared goals, and teamwork, money can actually become a tool that strengthens a marriage rather than strains it.

It’s Not About the Numbers—It’s About the Narrative

Many couples believe financial stress comes from not having “enough” money. In reality, stress often comes from not talking openly about it.

Each of us brings a money story into our relationship—shaped by childhood experiences, family habits, and past struggles or successes. One partner may see money as security, while the other views it as freedom. Neither perspective is wrong, but misunderstandings happen when those stories go unspoken.

Healthy financial conversations start with curiosity, not criticism. Asking questions like, “What does financial security mean to you?” or “What worries you most about money?” can open the door to understanding instead of conflict.

From “Mine vs. Yours” to “Ours”

Strong marriages thrive on teamwork. The same is true for finances.

Rather than approaching money as individual responsibilities, healthy couples view it as a shared journey. This doesn’t mean every account has to be combined or every decision made unanimously, but it does mean recognizing that financial choices affect both partners.

When couples shift from “MY money” and “YOUR money” to “OUR goals,” conversations become less about control and more about collaboration. That mindset builds trust, which is one of the most valuable assets any marriage can have.

Small Check-Ins Matter More Than Big Talks

One common mistake couples make is waiting until there’s a problem to talk about money. By then, emotions are high and stress is already in the room.

Instead, I encourage couples to have regular, low-pressure check-ins. These don’t need to be formal meetings or lengthy discussions. A simple monthly coffee date or evening walk where you talk about upcoming plans, priorities, and any concerns can make a big difference.

The goal isn’t to solve everything, it’s to stay connected and aware of what’s happening in each other’s lives.

Shared Goals Create Shared Purpose

One of the most positive shifts I see in couples happens when they start dreaming together.

Whether it’s planning a family vacation, saving for a home, supporting a cause they care about, or simply building peace of mind for the future, shared goals give couples something to work toward as a team.

When challenges arise—and they will—those shared goals serve as a reminder: We’re on the same side!

Progress Over Perfection

No couple gets it right all the time. Disagreements will happen. Miscommunication is part of being human.

What matters most is the willingness to listen, adjust, and grow together. Healthy financial conversations aren’t about perfection—they’re about progress, patience, and mutual respect.

This February, consider giving your relationship a gift that lasts longer than chocolates or flowers: an open, honest conversation. You may be surprised how much closer it brings you.

Because when couples communicate well about money, they’re really doing something even more important—they’re strengthening their marriage.

Learn more about Eric and schedule a conversation here.